Sunday, March 3, 2013

letter from N to T

good early-sunday-morning
"may i write something about my feelings here?"
"of course, it's your blog"
haha-_-



how are you? fine? great.
how am i? i dont know, dont ask me. i just.... dont know about my own self lately
how could it be? once again, i dont know, dont ask me

it feels like i'm..... broken, seriously? i dont know-_---
do you know about athazagoraphobia? yap, it's the fear of being forgotten, fear of forgetting, and fear of being ignored. and I'm the one who suffer from this phobia.
do you know why? because everytime i know that someone is going to leave or ignore me, i'm afraid that they will forget me... and you know what? it happens to me now...

even i keep telling my self and trying to believe about what you said that nothing's gonna change between us, and believing that everything's will be alright, i'm still... afraid of losing you.
believe it or not, something's gonna change between us...:( you won't be always here when i need you like you used to... and i think i'm gonna miss you :/

sorry if you read this, i dont mean to influence you or something... i just want you to know that i'm afraid that you'll leave me. i just cant tell you directly hahahaha poor me.

it's your right if you want to be with her or another girlssss~
i let you to be with her, but it doesnt mean i allow you to be with her, understand? i keep standing on my ground ;)

i just want you to know that you're my closest bestfriend, that's why i'm afraid that i will lose you, bro. you said that you consider me as your sister, and i consider you as my brother, and always be :) by the way, there's no 'end' in brother-and-sister-hood, isn't it?

now i know why many people say that "a girl and a boy are never meant to be bestfriend", because when one of them find someone who he/she loved, the other one will feel................. you know what i mean. but i never regret anything about us :3

remember vigacy? dont leave us, dont forget us. "kita bukan kita kalo ga berempat", i dont want vigacy to be apart (again). dont make the big-hug at 270213 is our last big-hug...please, dont leave me, dont forget me, keep your pinky promise, keep being yourself... and remember, you're a muslim. if one day youve gone steady with her and you cant always here for me like you used to, keep my promise, i'll try to always be here for you whenever you need me. i dont ask you to always tell me about everything, i just want you to know that i'm (still) here for you, as your place to confide in :) can you give a little time for us? I mean, i'm afraid that i cant talk to you or go somewhere with you anymore when you're already with her. i think i need to talk to you everyday, even it's just 2-3 minutes :/ honestly, i have a bad feeling about you and your hasyemeh~ haha-_- never mind. i cant imagine about the days without you, my necessity... i guess i have to adapt this new situation. once again, sorry if you read this entry ._.
will i still be your drug if you're already with her?

sincerely,
N

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